Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
