Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I skipped work to stalk him.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
