I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
