I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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