who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
