I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
