giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
