please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
