Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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