I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
