Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found a bag of teeth...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
