I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
