A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
