Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
