So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
