If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
