dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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