Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
