Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well you can't waste a boner
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
