Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
