You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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