Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
