go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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