O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
