I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
