I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
