So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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