You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
