the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
