We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
