I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
