i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
