we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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