yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
