I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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