Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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