i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
