I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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