So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
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