I think my vagina is haunted
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
dude. I can hear the air.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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