This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Jerry, you need to find god
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
