He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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