I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
