Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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