you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
