well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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