Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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