i permit you to call me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
