maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
