I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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