You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
