Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize