he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
