Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
