What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
