Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just google imaged poop.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
