READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
