Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
