he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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