i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You smell like stripper and shame
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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