so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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