I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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