My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
