And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
