My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
