I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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