And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
