Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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