It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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