What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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