I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dick very happy bro
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
