My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And then he peed in my hair
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