Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
