Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
