Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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