Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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