whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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