How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
