dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
