Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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