Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
