I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
