Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
