the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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