what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
