My friends, they love my intelligence
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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