It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
