I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
