how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
