Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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