Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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