Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So vagazzling was a success
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
